Heaven-Coated Hell

What do you think of me?

Do you feel for me?

Do you care?

 

I can never tell

as you throw yourself in my arms

but stare as though you don’t recognize.

What’s my name?

 

I don’t know with you,

but you hook my soul

then throw it back

into the pit you made it in.

I say something wrong

You get upset.

You say something wrong

I can’t get upset.

 

You curse my name;

It has become a threat to me,

Flinching when you scream.

Scared of Hell, I run to Heaven.

You are both.

 

I breathe in your hate,

So I get enough air.

Drink your lies,

So I am drowning.

Live on your affection,

So you can see how I am starving.

 

You use my affection as currency,

Trading in for sightless trust,

Paying me to build my own fire,

With you roasting me over it.

 

Do you really miss me?

Or do you miss the torture?

Did you ever really care?

I hope to think you did,

Want to know what love feels.

But leeches don’t know emotion,

They just suck victims empty,

And you have taken more than my blood.

 

But you have still shot me.

Shot me through my being,

And bent me over my mind.

You played my bones for music,

Used my soul for laughter since you were bored,

And broke my brain to prove me insufficient.

My body is all that’s left.

 

I don’t want you to have it,

I can’t raise myself,

Not against your army of abuse.

 

So I must retreat,

The best I can.

Speeding away until my D-Day,

When I can storm your beaches,

Take back who I am.

Become who I should be.

Hopefully, I’ll be ready to fight your heaven-coated hell.

 

By GARRET EICHER / Staff Writer

 

Garret is a second-year Creative Writing major from Aurora, Illinois. He is one of four with an identical twin and his siblings have made a huge impact on his writing. Garrett constantly writes about them, especially his younger sister.

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