Banned Cargo Shorts
Every Monday and Wednesday morning my roommate, Dante, and I head to our on-campus gym, The Leach. Tuesday and Thursday mornings we run. Working out is a habit we’ve both been trying to build into our regular routines for a couple of years and this semester we made it a goal for the both of us. They say that teamwork makes the dream work and for us, it has. We’ve been consistently working out and I’ve been consistently going through gym shorts faster than ever before. I have a solid seven pairs of shorts but laundry days are few and far between for a college creature such as myself. On the occasion that I do happen to run out of gym shorts, I break out my only remaining pair of in-tact cargo shorts. Though the trend may be dead, the memory lives on in my heart and in the bottom of my bottoms drawer, and on days in which all of my gym shorts are dirtied.
On these days, Dante laughs at me and frankly, I laugh along. I was never avidly against cargo shorts but I moved on when enough of the world had done so before me. That’s just fashion. Honestly, knowing that I’m the only guy in the gym with cargos is strangely satisfying. I consider it a rebellious act of sorts. Anyhow, this past Wednesday Dante and I hit the gym as usual with the addition of my cargos. It was maybe the third time I’d worn them this semester.
Aside from our own chuckling there was no disruption for all of five minutes until I heard a hushed “Hey, man” from behind me. I turned around to see an anxious Leach staff member gesturing for me to come his way. He proceeded to inform me through flustered and hushed words that cargo shorts were banned from the campus gym. Legitimately, you are not allowed to wear them. Apparently, the lower pockets, despite being great for carrying a lifetime of savings in nickels, are a safety hazard when pumping hard iron. Long story short, I was asked to leave the gym. Pretty incredible when you think about it. I had fun.
Dante’s commentary included:
“Hey man, the fashion police finally found you.”
“You knew what you were doing the whole time, dude.”
“You were bound to get caught eventually.”
While cargo shorts once held my wallet and keys; last Wednesday, the only thing that filled those pockets was a good laugh and a little shame.
RYAN ALEVY / Columnist
Ryan Alevy is a big believer in relationships. By relationships he means more than the noun—greater than the definition. Every relationship in life, whether it be with your best friend, worst enemy, job, or toaster, is based on a balance of give and take. When we want to engage someone or something in order to establish a relationship, we must first invest. In the case of toast, we start with placing the bread in the toaster and follow up by pushing down that lever on the side. Our investment is an effort to create meaning and in this case, toast. Yum. All in all, the more we give, the more we get back. The purpose of this project goes far deeper than his own experiences. He simply feels it necessary to share his with you to create a sense of mutual honesty—it only seems fair. How can he expect you to confide in him if he can’t confide in you? These are the stories that embellish his life. What are yours?