What’s Up with Lindsay Lohan? (A Necessary Update)

It’s that time of the year again where the leaves are changing, everything is pumpkin flavored and there is an update on what actress Lindsay Lohan is doing with her life. For those who might have forgotten who we are talking about, let me give you a quick recap. The red head who used to be famous for being the cute twins in Parent Trap and a fetch plastic in Mean Girls is now just a complete train wreck who occasionally appears in movies. Sound familiar?

Here are some facts you need to know in order to get caught up with all things LiLo since 2012:

Movies: In 2012 Lohan acted in the Lifetime movie Liz & Dick where she played the famous Elizabeth Taylor. Unfortunately, reviews were largely negative. However, you have to commend her for being able to throw SO many alcohol bottles against a wall in a single movie. Since then, she’s only appeared in one other film, an erotic low budget thriller called The Canyons.  Starring alongside James Deen, reviews were mixed on her performance. What received bigger attention was the claim that Lohan was difficult to work with on set.lohan

TV appearances: Lohan has guest starred in numerous television shows including 2 Broke Girls, Glee and Anger Management. If you ever want to see something truly depressing and bizarre, just watch Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan try to smear each other’s faces with powdered doughnuts. Lohan has also appeared in talk shows, even subbing for Chelsea Handler on her late night show, Chelsea Lately.  We don’t know if Chelsea was trying to throw a lifeline or couldn’t get a hold of Britney Spears in time, but at least Lindsay didn’t tank!

Lindsay Docu-Series: Where to even begin with this heaping hot mess? We assumed Oprah Winfrey was being way too generous when her network decided to document Lohan’s attempt to get back into entertainment as well as go through rehabilitation for her substance abuse. However, instead of a gritty account on one actress’s struggle to regain her life back, we got Lindsay being a complete brat in terms of scheduling, most of  her assistants wanting to quit, a confession that she had already relapsed since her time out of rehab and even the almighty goddess Oprah saying she was fed up with Lindsay’s “bullshit.” If Oprah Winfrey can’t help you, no one can.

Drugs, Rehab, and Court: So far, Lohan has been to court over 20 times and has participated in rehab at least five times. Her offenses have ranged from car accidents, substance abuse, felony and at this point, for still existing on this planet. Currently, she is to appear in court for a 2012 reckless driving charge in November of this year. Will Lindsay even appear in court? Will she be sentenced in jail for five days only to stay for ten minutes? Will she snort cocaine before trial? I suggest staying tuned.

Bang List: In March 2014, In Touch Weekly magazine released a list allegedly created by Lohan of all the famous celebrities she’s had sexual relationships with. It’s not entirely evident whether the list is even true, but the list does have over 36 names, which is totally impressive by our sex positive standards. Honestly, if any girl such as myself were to hook up with celebrities like Justin Timberlake, I would want that to be plastered on billboards.

Plastic Surgery: Over the years Lohan’s physical appearance has garnered a lot of attention from fans and critics. It’s been reported she’s recently gotten fillers and probably one too many lip injections. We aren’t sure why at age 28 she’s decided to turn her once youthful visage into that of a pillow, but it doesn’t seem likely that Lindsay will desist on her plastic surgery quest.

West End (a comeback?): As of late, Lohan made her stage debut in London this September in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow.  So far the critiques on her West End performance aren’t half bad, though it was revealed her nerves got the best of her and she forgot a few lines. The play will officially open October 2 at the Playhouse Theater in London and will run until November 29.  As she tries to rebuild her image and career, we will be watching among the sidelines in anticipation.

Although we seem to enjoy her tumultuous relationship with the law and the entertainment industry, I truly do root for the comeback of Lindsay Lohan. May the universe and her pillow plush lips guide her well this time around.

by AMANDA VALDESPINO / contributing writer

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