Dumb Starbucks

By now everyone’s heard of the Dumb Starbucks store in Los Angeles that drew so much attention on social media. It’s no surprise people took such an interest in the parody shop, considering that deep down everyone hates Starbucks at least a little bit.Don’t pretend like you’re not slightly embarrassed every time you say our…

“Possible” Malaysia Airlines Conspiracy Theories

by JEANETTE HOROWITZ / news editor During the frantic search for the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight, the masses have been demanding reporting from national news outlets who are receiving little to no information, coming to them in sporadic bursts. However, CNN, NBC, Fox and others still have a 24-hour news cycle to fill. This has…

Boy Suspended for Wearing “My Little Pony” Backpack

This week, nine year old Grayson Bruce was censured by his school for bullying, more specifically for being bullied because he chose to bring a My Little Pony backpack to school. When Grayson brought this backpack to his North Carolina school he was punched, pushed, and called names by fellow students. The school administration decided…

NCAA Banking on Student Athletes

In 2011, the NCAA received over eight-hundred million dollars in income. Mark Emmert, the president of the NCAA, makes about 1.7 million a year. While this pales in comparison to the salaries of some university presidents (U of Chicago President Robert Zimmer makes 3.4 million) it still places him in the top five percent of…

NBA to Up Age Requirement

In coming years March Madness may be even crazier than it is now, but not because of some ridiculous tournament expansion. Instead, there may be more NBA-caliber players competing in the Big Dance. The issue of increasing the age limit in the NBA to 20-years old has recently been brought up again. Doing so would…

The Return of the Saga

Disney bought Star Wars and announced a sequel, a little because the Force is mysterious and there can be more written about it, a lot because it will probably make money. There’s been a bunch rumors about these movies. Here’s the facts about Star Wars VII, according to the official website: 1. The score will…

Huntmaster

“My god, we see so much alcohol on base,” says Tyler, “I kid you not; the government gives us more bottles than we could ever drink. I brought down four of ‘em just for this weekend.” “Wait, they just give you guys alcohol?” asks my roommate Connor. “Well, we normally go out on a mission…

First Openly Gay Football Player a Game Changer

Michael Sam, star football player for the University of Missouri and a prime candidate for the upcoming NFL draft, has recently opened up to the public about his homosexuality. Sam has been met with overwhelming support from the majority of the country, and the buzz around his sexuality has many speculating about how this announcement…

Pro-Life Senator Dehumanizes Pregnancy

Hearing the name “Steve Martin” usually brings happy thoughts of childhood memories with him hamming it up as a football coach with twelve children, and more recent recollections of him as a hilarious architect, toking it up with Meryl Streep onscreen. Sadly however, the brilliant Steve Martin has the misfortune of sharing his name with…

News Flash: Maryland Senate Votes to Ban Grain Alcohol

Last month, the Maryland State Senate voted on a bill to ban grain alcohol and moonshine within the state. The bill, which still needs to go through the Maryland House of Delegates, would make it illegal to sell and distribute sell of 190-proof or higher. Many universities in the state of Maryland reportedly backed the…